Crouching Tiger, Hidden Assault Rifle, Evident Madness
by Gaige's Peppy Sweetheart
Summary: Immediately after Handsome Jack's defeat, another Vault has been discovered on Pandora and it will open after someone completes a ludicrous challenge: defeating 3200 enemies while crouching while being limited to using possibly the worst weapon type on the planet: assault rifles. Will the Vault Hunters really pursue this challenge, or will insanity from it make them call quits?


**So I've been playing Borderlands 2 a ton lately and I decided to write an adventure with humor and whatnot. It will contain a fair amount of violence, but I will exclude any gore so this can remain T rated. Lol. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

It was a day after Handsome Jack had been defeated as well as the fearsome Warrior. Pandora was now slightly less of a chaotic craphole, which wasn't saying a lot. The gang of six Vault Hunters were surrounding Lilith, Tannis, Brick, and Mordecai, thinking of how to approach the next Vault among the plethora that had shown up after defeating Handsome Jack.

"So. What now?" said Gaige as she was wondering when she could deploy Deathtrap and defeat more bad guys.

"In the brief time that has passed since Handsome Jack has been killed," started Tannis as she looked at the group who was surrounding her. "I have discovered that there is another Vault here in Pandora."

"Great," said Brick. "So what do we do about it?"

"If you'd let me finish, you walking hunk of steroids," replied Tannis, "I will explain. Apparently, the way to get this Vault to open is through a very unique challenge that will more than likely not make it worth it."

"A Vault that isn't worth pursuing?" said Axton. "This I gotta hear."

"In order to open the vault, you must complete a challenge that is strictly limited to both a weapon and a position you put your bodies in," resumed Tannis. Everyone was even more confused now since it seemed that the words she was saying made absolutely zero sense.

"Hmm, a challenge that / requires limitations. / Go on, continue," said Zer0 in his haiku speech.

"The vault requires that you defeat three thousand and two hundred enemies (3200) while crouched and using an assault rifle," explained Tannis. "I have decided to call this challenge, in homage to a film I love so much, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Assault Rifle'."

The gang was completely silenced when they heard the conditions to open the Vault. Three thousand...and two hundred enemies...while crouching and using possibly the worst weapon type in their universe. It had to be a joke. It had to be! In order to reach level 5 badass with the assault rifles, you had to kill 2000. But an additional 1200? That was utter lunacy!

"...You've got to be kidding me," said Maya who was still stunned upon hearing the news. "A Vault that will only open when someone kills 3200 enemies while crouching with an assault rifle? How would it even know?"

"And how would we know how many we've killed!" said Salvador who just facepalmed himself.

"Because I have made these little devices that are in sync with some of the energy of the new Vault," said Tannis. "And it calculates the times that you have killed an enemy with an assault rifle while you are crouching. This also includes any kills you get while you in fight for your life mode." She put the little device on her hip and she took out a Jakobs Hammer Buster which had a Jakobs grip, Torgue iron sight, a Dahl stock, and the accessory to increase the weapon stability. "I will demonstrate what will happen, so watch carefully."

In the sky, there were several Rakks that were casually flying and minding their own business. Rakks were notorious for appearing in swarms and despite being weak, they were annoying, nonetheless. Tannis got down and crouched and with one swift shot of the rifle, the bullet left the chamber and collided with a Rakk, defeating it and causing it to shriek and hit the ground. Soon, as predicted, more appeared, and she shot them all while remaining in the same crouching position. She didn't miss a single one and when she was through, the device was now up to seven.

"See?" said Tannis as she put the device away and put the Hammer Buster in a chest that she locked. It was her own personal defense weapon that she almost never used. "Nothing to it. I have no intentions of opening the Vault. What I did was a mere demonstration for you mouth-breathers who had any tinge of lingering doubts."

"WAIT, SCIENCE LADY!" began Krieg as he was about to get insane. "WHY THIS VAULT AND NOT OTHERS!"

"Yeah, I have to agree," said Maya. "There are about a hundred other ones. Why this one in particular?"

"Because it may activate a beast that could be even more deadly than the Warrior," said Tannis. "We are going to pursue the ones that potentially pose the most immediate threat to Pandora. These rules are not my own. I calculated and read the queer language that stated how it is it to be opened. I suggest that you all go your separate the vaults and try to open it at your leisure."

Gaige was super mad when she heard this. "So I can't use Deathtrap? Screw this! I wanna kill baddies with my robot!"

"And I wanna obliterate with my turret!" agreed Axton.

"BUZZ AXE! SLAUGHTER! BLOOD!" shouted an enraged Krieg who also did not approve of this challenge. Melee was practically his specialty and this would definitely impede his fun.

"So, Assault rifles / are to be my main weapon / I prefer sniping /" commented Zer0 as he took out a blue-rarity Dahl rifle with a Dahl grip, Vladof stock, and a Bandit sight. It was slag element and had no accessory.

"Well, I'm designed for assault rifles," said Axton as he took out a Vladoff Shredifier with the Bandit grip, Jakobs stock, Dahl sight, and was corrosive. It had the accessory for increased accuracy, which it desperately needed with those unfortunate parts that made up the weapon.

"Right!" said Tannis. "Well, off with you guys! Go defeat as many enemies as you can with your assault rifles while crouching!"

The six of them left. Axton went to Opportunity since he would have a good advantage with the corrosive gun. Gaige had a good Bandit rifle and she decided to go to Lynchwood. Maya decided to go back to the Southern Shelf with her Dahl Scorpio that she was given. Thankfully it had good parts. Salvador decided to head to the Caustic Caverns with his Vladof E-tech that was fire element. Krieg decided to go to the Tundra Express with a powerful Dahl rifle. And Zer0 made his way to the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve and see if he could get the Skullsmasher while he was at it.


End file.
